Breaking Up with my “Thank You, Next” Diet Attempts

Like calling a recent ex after a few drinks when your feeling lonely even though you know its not a good choice…

I reach for the family size bag of potato chips and indulge. Feeling every emotion as I go through it. Disgust for making the choice in the first place, followed by relief for the warm embrace the delicious treat has provided. Then comes anger for losing my self control and eating the entire bag to myself and lastly that ever gnawing guilt and shame creeps in for the wrap up right before bed. “Tomorrow I will do better” I would tell myself over and over and over. I’d start my next day by researching different diet plans and trends. I’m sure I am so many peoples echos when I say I’ve heard and or tried it all. I bought the slimming coffee, made the detox teas, tried the no-carb/low-carb and scrap the toxic sugar plan too. Yes I even bought those magnetic toe ring things offline… Judgement free zone here okay? I know I am not alone when I say you get to a point of being desperate for any solution. and just when you think you may have it back under control, you find yourself  alone feeling the weight of life and for me my voluntary muscles seem to shut down and I again reach for the chips!

To be clear this post isn’t a thank you letter to a specific plan or a recommendation for a tea or system that has worked for me in the past. This isn’t even a recommendation of what you should do. This is a ‘I wish someone told me to think of food like this 10 years ago’ post, because for me it has made a difference in my relationship with food.

We have all been in relationshits (Thank you Dane Cook for this cleaver word) the kind of toxic relationship that you pour yourself into, make bad choices, avoid talking about issues, and keep going back despite knowing better.  Then when you manage to grow emotionally and in maturity you leave said relationshit and find someone who respects and loves you.

Why cant we look at our relationship with food and our personal diet the same way? We deserve to love, have fun with and respect ourselves!

I am a 6ft tall woman, so small was never really a size you’d find in my closet. I have fluctuated from 240lbs and 150lbs. At my smallest I was running several times a week and looking on Pintrest to find new recipes and fun meals to make, motivated each day to get active and eat well. At my largest I was a single mom and lonely, every night after putting my daughter to bed the only thing I felt like I had control over was the snacks I ate before bed. I was always wondering what the deeper strength in making ‘better choices’ was and was lucky enough to hear some great insight about the actual statistics behind diets. I was surprised to hear that no doctor or medical professional actually recommends any diet over another. There is no superior diet or eating trend! They key to a healthy relationship with food is deeper, its about people and caring personally about the individual needs of a person. Caring about the psychology of that individual and find what ever plan is healthy and works for them. The idea that a person should be cared about personally and mentally over the internet ads saying what is best was so new to me. This concept resonated with me and I started to dig a bit deeper into my emotions and feelings I was feeling when I was binging snacks.

This is why I relate my eating habits to having a relationship. When something is wrong in a relationship sometimes we can ignore it and not discuss it, and of course the habit or issue tends to gets worse. So why don’t we talk to ourselves or a support person about the choices we are making and try to take a step to solve the problems? Work through them like a healthy relationship? Don’t insult yourself for being where you are, I made the choice to start putting effort into this relationship! I noticed a difference of my snacking habits after a few months of stopping and just simply talking to myself more honestly when I was going to eat or snack. I didn’t set a goal or a deadline, I just wanted to start putting in the effort to help support myself as a loving ‘partner’ in this solo relationship. Notice how I say habits? It wasn’t about weight for me, it was about building a better relationship with food instead of  having the late night, blow up,  storm out of the room arguments everyday with my self! I wanted to care about the meals I was creating again, Treat myself when desired and remember to take time to listen to what I needed and never shame or hurt myself while I searched for some personal growth out of the situation!

I started just asking myself a few simple questions and noticing the answers. Am I hungry? How am I feeling right now? What are my food and snack options? These questions at first didn’t discourage me from making different choices but it did bring some kind of inner awareness in certain points in the day. At points where I simply made myself list the options vs. take the first one I thought of I was more willing to see a variety of options for myself and even get creative. I also noticed the emotional component to a lot of snacking habits. Feeling overwhelmed, or demotivated, or alone were big triggers for me to reach for food as a comfort. but talking to myself about my double bowl of spaghetti and meatballs made me acknowledge the feeling and start to swipe left on the emotional drive for snacking. I’m not saying I didn’t snack! But wanting to take care of those emotions and trying something that would help me feel better like reading a good book or painting.

I’m always trying to learn and understanding the heavy emotional component to eating habits. I want to live a healthy and happy life and for me that was beginning to understanding the needs my body has and considering what is important to maintain a healthy balanced relationship is key. Finding ways to work through the hard emotions, reading, meditation what ever you want to do for a self date, and just do it! It helped me feel more controlled about making choices in the relationship with my daily diet. Understanding my inner self and knowing what I need and deserve. I may need an ice cream today because I am on a long bike ride with my daughter! That’s eating for happiness. But tonight if I’m frustrated after a lengthy and fighting filled bedtime, finishing a tub of the ice cream in the freezer might not be the best choice – for me that is. It’s not easy and its not something i’m telling anyone what they should do, I know ill continue eating too many chips and binging after overwhelming days sometimes, and it happens. My goal is to better understand the why behind it, and make the best choices when I can!

I just want to enjoy food while enjoying life! I want to put cream in my coffee and not feel bad about it. I want to finally break up with with my thank you next diet attempts. It’s leading me to finding new ways to acknowledge my feelings and inspired me to make different  and more meaningful choices with food!